doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
