i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
