It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
