4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
