i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
