I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
