help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
