I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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