Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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