You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
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She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
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HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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