Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
