you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
