Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
