he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
