Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
