You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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