she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
