after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize