its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
my nose is crying tears of wow.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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