How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
