so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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