Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
