oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
