i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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