I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
You can't motorboat a personality
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
