i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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