the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
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I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
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