I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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