mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
