me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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