i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
