I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
