i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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