I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
