you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
