I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
