so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
