Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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