i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
