at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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