Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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