I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
