I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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