EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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