Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
She announced her abortion via fbk
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
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