Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
