So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
