Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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