i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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