what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
