Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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