i jhust puked up my retainher.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
