I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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