I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
