im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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