i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
