yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
