So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
