CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Randomize
