from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
