Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize