she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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