Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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