The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
