Dual....:-)
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
