Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
