he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
