Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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