I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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