Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize