Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
