I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
