are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
