Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Randomize
