Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
