I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
