Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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