I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
