He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Randomize
