Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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