as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
