I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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