if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
What a dumb baby whore.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
