Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
smell my finger.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
